i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
