no, he came in my armpit
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
