You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
