i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
