she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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