im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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