dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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