I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
