I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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