Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
