dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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