she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
