if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize