It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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