If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
