Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
