are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
