the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
