Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize