Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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