mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
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