why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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