I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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