I must be too annoying 4 u.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We are two peas in an std pod
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
