your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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