i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
