Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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