i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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