I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
