Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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