I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
