The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
