New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
