i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
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