Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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