Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
