She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
