I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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