Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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