Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
