Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize