Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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