why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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