Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
