Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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