Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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