you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize