Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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