I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
