im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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