there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
