So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
