Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
