Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize