i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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