We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I understand Curling. That high.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize