Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
