i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
