We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
