The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
