Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
