Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
