so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
