Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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