i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
So. Much. Porn.
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