haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
