Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The uberlube is also flammable
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
The air taste purple.
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