WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
