apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize