I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
