I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
